An article like this one pops up on the internet about times a second. And then there are the five billion comments in a similar vein accompanying three million posts. The posts are about absolutely anything. The comments are always about how men are only about one thing. And, by extension, all men are very different from all women in this regard. Which is what makes it interesting that men are only about that one thing. If everyone in the world was only about that thing, then it wouldn't stand out so much.
It'd be completely boring. Like how everyone loves pizza. We all know that, and no one cares except for Domino's. But because women are mostly thinking about their nails, paying the rent and finding a man who will provide emotional security and help with the rent, men distinguish themselves by only thinking about having sex with women.
Men do not share a giant, collective man-brain that causes them all to experience exactly the same desires and endow them all with the same impulse to lean out the window of the minivan and yell explicit things at the college student exiting the vegan bakeshop. I'm sorry about resorting to crude language, but the battle against the battle of the sexes is intense.
In the article, one of the author's friends assumes that women aren't even attracted to men in a physical way. They're mostly looking for someone who looks like a "good provider. They just do it relatively infrequently. I have never liked the "women should just be more like men, and then everyone will be equal" approach to problems of gender. It's unclear exactly what "men" entails, and it seems like everyone's imitating someone else, and not even the biological men have worked out what their manhood is all about.
But giving men a monopoly on desire is just as unfair as imagining that all men have the same desires. It's rare for me to have a conversation with a female friend that doesn't at some point touch on sex, and I don't have many friends who haven't bragged extensively about the hot guys they've slept with, flirted with or dated. And when I say "hot," I don't mean "sturdy and with a good job. The man who wrote the article in Elle suggests that his wife, and women in general, would be shocked to discover just how much men are thinking about having sex with strangers.
I would be shocked if women were shocked. Not because I believe that all men are actually thinking about having sex with strangers all day long.
But because the claim that they are has been made so many times that it can't possibly surprise anyone who is at all literate, has ever watched television even on a computer or has ever socialized with more than one or two other people. I would also be shocked if women didn't think about having sex with strangers a lot more than the author expects.
I want to know why it's so important to so many people to keep alive this tired dichotomy between men and women. I want to know why we're still not permitted to all feel lots of things. Lots of the same things, lots of different things. They miss being intimate with other men or women depending on their sexual orientation. If they did, bi folks would identify as either straight or gay once we got married. Trust is also implied and connected to this commitment.
Then, together, we would discuss what the next steps are. Let me give an example. My ex was also bi. She was primarily dating women before dating me. We prefer to have the stability and comfort that comes with being in a committed relationship, as opposed to the novelty and excitement and often complications that come from being in an open one.
That is not true. More from my site Good Bi Love: Zachary Zane a Brooklyn-based freelance writer, speaker, YouTuber, and activist whose work focuses on bi sexuality, gender, identity politics, relationships, and culture. He's a contributing editor at The Advocate Magazine, a columnist at Bi....